A Mans' Blank Stage

 

“What is happening with you? Why are you behaving strangely?”

Those words came from a friend at a certain point in my life.

Growing up, I was never the hyper type, but I knew how to socialize and make friends with ease. That remained true until my late thirties, when I began to feel bored with life. I started questioning many things and blaming myself for not trying hard enough to live the life I had always dreamed of—a life that still lingered in my mind. The thought of approaching forty and still feeling like a failure hit me hard.

At the time, I had what could be described as a stable life: a family with children, a middle-class lifestyle, and a six-figure salary. Ironically, instead of bringing fulfillment, these things seemed to aggravate my dissatisfaction. I began withdrawing from people, especially close family members, and preferred staying behind rather than travelling home on weekends.

There were moments when dark thoughts crossed my mind, but I brushed them off. I even felt, perhaps unfairly, that my family did not enjoy having me around during the holidays when I visited. I would try to help out at home, hoping it might make them happy, yet deep down, I felt it made no difference. Sometimes when I talked with my spouse, I felt like she spoke with some attitude, and this made it even worse. 

Then, one day, about a month into 2026, while scrolling through TikTok, I came across a clip that deeply resonated with what I was experiencing. A woman spoke about a phase in a man’s life she referred to as the “blank stage.” In psychology, this closely aligns with social withdrawal. During this stage, men tend to withdraw from people, feel emotionally numb, lose interest in material things, and experience a decline in motivation to pursue their dreams. Being misunderstood no longer bothers them, even when people walk away. Their character and communication change; someone once social may become brief and distant. In some cases, this stage can lead to depression.

More often than not, men in this phase are misunderstood and judged, and it is at this point that even families can disintegrate. In a society where social media has taken over, and one literally spends approximately two-and-a-half hours on social media, this becomes even worse. According to a report published on kenyans.co.ke, Kenyans spend an average of 310 minutes per day on various social media platforms. This screen time, coupled with the social media pressure and the many masculinity teachings out here, could also be a huge contributing factor. Psychology also attributes the social withdrawal, or the so-called “blank stage,” to rigid societal expectations and a lack of appreciation for small, consistent efforts.

What Happens During Blank Stage

1. Everything sucks

Daily activities lose meaning, and even small tasks feel heavy and unrewarding. Motivation drops, and nothing seems to work the way it should.

2. You do not want to talk to anyone, including your family members

Withdrawal becomes a coping mechanism. Conversations feel draining, and isolation feels easier than explaining emotions you can’t clearly name.

3. Dark (suicidal) and intrusive thoughts creep in.

Feelings of hopelessness or emotional overwhelm may surface. This is often a signal that the mind is under strain and needs care, support, and understanding.

4. Social media sucks

Online spaces begin to feel noisy, fake, or triggering.

5. There is a complete shift of character and communication

You may become quieter, more irritable, or emotionally distant. How you speak, react, and relate to others changes noticeably.

6. You do not see any good in your partner

Emotional numbness or frustration that distorts perception, causing you to focus only on flaws while overlooking past positives.

7. You doubt your partner and feel disliked by family

Insecurity increases, leading to misinterpretation of intentions and actions. Neutral behavior may feel hostile, and trust becomes fragile.

Watch the video here.