Harsh Truths About Relationships

Life is about relationships. We live among people, animals, and nature. In our daily routine, we meet and interact with different people at our workplaces, religious centers, and even at school. For the many years that I have been on this Earth, I have learned a thing or two about relationships. 

1. ALL men will NOT leave if sex is taken out of the relationship.

There has always been a belief that men are after sex and that when it is not served in a relationship, men will leave. The recent masculinity teachings label men who are ready to be in a relationship without engaging in sex as simps or betas. The fact is that if the relationship becomes stronger because of sex, then one partner will leave. However, there are relationships built first on friendship that then end up being romantic. If one partner falls sick, making it impossible to make love for a while, will you leave? A male partner who values more than sex may complain, but will not leave. Whoever leaves may have been halfway out. But remember, what keeps many men in a relationship is sex, and when taken out, many of them will leave or find somebody else as they remain in the relationship.

2. Most girlfriends will leave if money is taken out of the relationship.

If men can leave because of a lack of sex, ladies will rarely stay in a relationship when a man goes broke. If you listen to many conversations by ladies, they are usually centered on how they will take care of their hair, nails, makeup, and so on. So, besides the emotional benefits, ladies are kept in a relationship by money.  To them, money represents effort, direction, and stability, and when it disappears, uncertainty creeps in.

3. Some parents won't approve of relationships across different castes.

This is one thing that the current generations are trying to do away with. Growing up, some communities tell their young people to try to marry from within so that they can strengthen their cultural values. There has been a perception that the Kalenjin community always marry from within. I am sure you've heard of the joke, "Kip for Chep." Over time, this has been proven to be true because many Kalenjin ladies and gentlemen in colleges ended up marrying their fellow tribesmen or women. I am not saying it is a bad thing, but the truth is, relationships may be personal, but marriage is communal. Though this shouldn't be considered in the 21st century, some parents still hold on to it. In traditional settings, culture, lineage, and societal expectations matter to families. 

4. The person who says, "I can't live without you," will eventually be fine without you.

This was a very common statement in the Mexican soaps when Alejandro confessed his love for the daughter of a powerful Mexican minister. In reality, people say it, but figuratively, to show commitment in good and bad times. However, when push comes to shove, the relationship may come to an end, negating the statement above. When a relationship ends, the modest thing to do is to move on. You can't cling to the past. Attachment fades; survival doesn't.

5. Attractive women often want to marry wealthy men.

Money and vision attract beauty. I once asked a lady what they consider when they are choosing who to date. Surprisingly, she told me ladies look at two things: vision and money. I wasn't quite surprised by the second choice, but the first one caught me off guard. Her explanation was that if a man has a vision and he is working towards it, then at some point, money will come. However, in situations where a lady has to choose between vision and a wealthy man, she will choose the latter. Beautiful women have options, and these options change priorities. So the priority of a beautiful woman is a good life, and that good life will only be possible where there is money.

6. Wealthy men often treat love like a game.

A wealthy man never believes that a lady will love him for who he is. He believes that the woman loves his wealth. As a result, he treats love like a game, where one can lose or win. He lets his money play the game because money and wealth give him more choices and attention. He therefore tries to evade any form of commitment, because to him, love is entertainment instead of responsibility.

8. If a man says believe what you want," he did exactly what you are accusing him of.

This is usually an escapist statement by a person who is in the wrong. It could be a man or a woman. Instead of owning up to the mistake, they become defensive. At this point, silence becomes easier than accountability.